I’m going to be a horrible parent.

Not that I necessarily know if I even want to have kids yet, but judging by my “parenting” skills with Penny and Oscar, I’m really gonna suck at being some kids’ mom.

I woke up before my alarm clock this morning to the sound of Dan yelling “Christ!”
Immediately I knew that the cause must have been one of the cats.
Penny managed to open the cupboard door while Dan was brushing his teeth, wrestle her way inside and then tip over the grease container at the back filled with bacon, ground beef, chicken etc grease. Her and Oscar proceeded to lie in the grease as it continued to flow through the cupboard onto my vegetable steamer, and a myriad of other appliances stowed under there. The cats got COVERED…. COVERED… in ooze. It looked like they’d just been slimed. THE SMELL! Don’t even let me start with the smell!

So we started cleaning up this mess. We got all the goop off the floor, appliances and cupboard. Dan had to leave for work and I kept cleaning leaving myself with ohhh … about 5 minutes to get ready. (I was a good 15 minutes late for work too)
Then I had to approach the problem of a) my inability to bathe one let alone 2 cats on my own b) I couldn’t show up to work late as I am the only one there for the start of the day. (No one else to rely on.) So I opted to lock them into the kitchen today (litter and food provided)… but they are currently grease covered and isolated from the rest of the apartment. And all I can think about is the fact that I feel like a mother who has left her peanut butter and jelly covered children in a kitchen to rot in their own mess.

So I apologize to every pet lover out there. There was nothing I could do. I will bathe them with Dan immediately two-ish hours from now.

The worst part was how angry this made me. I was actually shaking. Clearly, although I’d like to think I would be one of those easy-going approachable moms, I am totally going to be an over-bearing, perfectionist ass hole. I can actually hear a mantra of: “Can’t you see what I do for you two? I buy you high quality food and toys. I take time out of my day to play with you and keep you brushed and this is how you thank me? Is what I do for you not good enough?” going through my head as I clean their daily messes.*insert sob here*
I’ve clearly lost my shit and turned into what I hate.

Just kitties, helpless fluffy … greasy … kitties.

K

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